When Tears Flow Namida wa Fureru Toki
by celste
Summary: Tears can mean many things...what does Aoshi want to tell Misao about?


When Tears Flow  
(Namida wa Fureru Toki)

by Celste

_Disclaimers apply--only the story is mine, the characters belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki and Jump comics! Actually, this is the compo I wrote for my recent Review Test (in other words, mid-year exam). I'm sorry if its a little too much like my other school compo 'Mask'!_

Sensing a presence behind her, she hastily brushed away a tear gathering at the corner of her eye and braced herself for the heartache that always shuddered through her whenever she saw him.

Why? Why? Why was he always so cold towards her? Why couldn't he return her feelings? Why was he so much...like ice? Thinking about it made tears well up in her eyes again, but she quickly composed herself. It would not be too good if anyone saw her crying, she was supposed to be strong.

There was a tap on her shoulder. She knew right away who it was.

"Misao. There is something I have to tell you." That voice, as low in pitch as it was in temperature, that she had grown to love ever since she was a little girl of around six. Of course, when she had first met him as an infant, that voice had yet to become as deep...or cold...as it was now. The caring and warm, though rather reserved boy she knew then had grown into an aloof and serious young man, who showed little emotion, if ever.

She was not sure exactly what had caused that change. Perhaps it was having to become the Okashira of the Oniwabanshuu at such a young age--fifteen to be exact. Or maybe it was the fierce and often bloody battles he had experienced, which left their marks through the myriad of unhealing scars that crisscrossed his broad, muscular chest. She had no way of knowing--nobody knew his thoughts, not even her although she was supposed to be the closest to him. The Okashira, Shinomori Aoshi, kept his thoughts and feelings to himself.

Misao wondered what he was going to tell her. Was he going to leave the Aoiya--and her--again? If it was that, then he was _not_ going to, she would make sure of that! He had caused her so much tears and heartaches that he was _pretty well_ going to make up for it. She would _not_ let him leave again! When he had last done so, she had not seen him again for eight years. Eight years! Enough for a man to change beyond recognition.

Her heart fluttered as a new thought came into her mind. What if it was worse...what if he was going to get married...to someone else? No matter how much it hurt her to think of it, it was not entirely out of the question. She knew she was not stunningly gorgeous like the geisha or the courtesans in the pleasure quarters, or even the occasional girl on the street. Pretty, maybe, but not beautiful. Not only that, she was ten years younger than him--and a bumbling tomboy, unlike the well brought-up daughters of the merchant or samurai class.

It wasn't as if she had never tried to be as 'lady-like' and elegant as them, or as graceful and vivacious as the geisha. Not the courtesans--they were 'shameful' as far as behavior and actions were concerned, their clothes were gaudy and their makeup was too thick. But sometimes she did wish she could be as attractive to the men as they were, and there was a period of time where she had tried to dress up and put on makeup, in the hope that she would gain his attention. However, that insensitive iceberg had not even noticed! How could he? His eyes were always closed in meditation. Sometimes she wondered how a man with eyes so sharp when it came to detecting suspicious objects could be so blind when it came to other things...like a woman's feelings for him. 

She followed him into the garden spiritlessly. It was midspring, and the flowers were all in full bloom--the roses, jasmine, plum...a slight breeze drifted over them, full of the scent of cherry blossoms. Everything around her was so full of life, but Misao felt as if she were dying inside. _Don't let him leave me,_ she pleaded in her heart. _Kami-sama, please._

Closing her eyes, she inevitably let a warm, tender tear fall onto her cheeks. She could take the pain of him ignoring her, and had in fact been doing so for the past three years. Even if he just ignored her, or continued to distance himself from her, she would still be happy...just to be by his side. Of course she hoped for more, but right now it was too much to ask for.

Someday, she would make him laugh again. Someday, he would open his heart to her once more. Someday, spring would thaw the ice of winter in his heart, and the flowers of love would bloom once again.

Someday...

A warm hand reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Her eyes fluttered open in surprise, to meet the sharp gray eyes of the man she loved with all her heart.

Those eyes held a deep sadness she wondered if she would ever understand. There was something else that flickered in them too--something Misao could not quite comprehend.

"Why do you cry for me?" he asked, quite out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"You always seem to cry whenever you see me. Why?"

_How did he know? _It took every muscle in her body to stop herself from screaming out that she did not cry for him only when she saw him, but whenever she thought of him as well--him and his coldness to her, him and his piercing insensitivity!

It was then that everything came out in a rush--all her feelings for him, her hurt and pain, her hopes. She could not keep it to herself anymore.

Having finished, she stopped and waited with bating breath for his reaction.

He seemed stunned. Stunned and shocked. Years seemed to pass in a few seconds. The only things that could be heard were the nervous beating of her heart, the chirping of birds and the rustling of clothes disturbed by the spring breeze.

Then he hugged her, taking her by surprise. It was as if he never wanted to let go of her, ever. His warmth engulfed her, the musky scent, his heated breath. For once, she felt really close to Aoshi--her Aoshi. Sighing, she moulded herself to him, overwhelming herself with the sweet sentiments of new-found love.

"I love you for who you are, not what you look like. Don't pretend to be anyone you're not," he whispered into her ear.

Tears fell from her eyes once again, but without the grief and sadness of earlier on.

This time, it was happiness they carried.

Owari

Hi, it's been a long time!  
Some of you will know there's a Mandarin version of this fic around too--I did in in a spurt of craziness! (Howls in laughter) Just for fun...read it if you're curious. It's kind of different but only in the adjectives etc, I can't translate everything exactly without sounding weird. I admit my Mandarin isn't perfect, still have some problems with grammar and vocabulary! (And I take Higher Chinese in school too...what a loss of face...I'm working hard, really!)

I'd like to thank my English teacher for giving me an A on this compo...and my English-Chinese and Chinese dictionaries (no, really) for helping me with the chinese version.


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